Much like the return of Aaron Donald earlier this week, we have ourselves a league legend coming out of retirement to conquer our league. Please welcome back Simon, who will be facing a familiar foe come rivalry week.
Last season, rivalry week meant the admission of some rivals to the dance, while the others wept in defeat.
At the regular season’s finale, when the clock is ticking and the playoff push is at its height, we will be clashing head to head with our league rivals.
Let’s explore all of our upcoming matchups for Rivalry Week in Week 14.
Ross vs. Simon
A classic as old as time, this marquee matchup is sure to be exciting. Last year, Ross managed to grab the 2 seed and a bye, but came up miserably short to the Las Vegas Mexicans (my code name for TRUMMIEEE) as his squad may have been rusty following the break. Our latest returning member, Simon will be looking to shit on Ross’s potential playoff chances in his return to the league. I heard that Howard has his money on Simon but Candace has her money on Toss.
Adry vs. BC2198
The two Tyler Herro lovers will be duking it out in our next rivalry matchup. Adry will be defending his throne this year, as the Soup-A-Stars will look to build off their lone playoff win last year to maybe finally do something (insert Megamind Jaylen Waddle??? meme here). I’m personally hoping Adry beats BC2198 and knocks him out of the playoff hunt, alhamdulilah.
Bris vs. TRUMMIEEE
This is a rivalry that was a long time coming. Our 2025 playoff runner-up TRUMMIEE, who resides in a place full of Bris’s Edgar slimes, will look to defend his honor against the Burrow dickrider, who will try to use his Pokemon luck to defeat his foe.
Juan vs. Ziv
This one is like Fidel vs. the Big Yahu. An unstoppable force vs. an immovable object (yes, I know this is a layup for a fat joke hahaha). The man with the DSLs will look to take on the GOAT commish (myself), but will meet nothing but hopelessness and despair as I finally rise to the top of the mountain as the 2026 league champion. Also, fuck Trevor Lawrence.
Shaffman vs. Splashman
That’s right, I’m bringing back the JCC classic. In a battle of the -man’s, these two rivals will look to outshoot and outwit one another in a fight for the ages. After an abysmal and atrocious opening playoff loss to TRUMMIEEE’s GOAT Kyle Pitts (LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO), Shaffman will look to potentially punch his ticket to the dance as he takes on Aubrey Graham and Hard Rock Bet’s number one fan (Malik put me on some slips please).
Jason vs. Martin
A tale of two heights, this rivalry returns for another year. Both these managers stunk up the joint last season, with Jason finishing the season with a 3-11 record and Martin only racking up 6 wins, leading to a disappointing rivalry matchup in Week 14. Hopefully they can flip the script upside down and make this more interesting in 2026.
